jackiedoherty.org

(An email from my brother)

• BARACK OBAMA:
  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
• JOHN McCAIN:
  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
• HILLARY CLINTON:
  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure–right from Day One–that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…
• GEORGE W. BUSH:
  We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground.
•  JOHN KERRY:
  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
• BILL CLINTON:
  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of  chicken?
• DR. PHIL:
  The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on THIS side of the road before it goes after the problem on the OTHER SIDE of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.
• OPRAH:
  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
• GRANDPA:
  In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
• JOHN LENNON:
  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.